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kaberett... or because you don't have the energy?
Mmm. I don't tend to talk about my relationships much, not so much because it's "too personal" as because (a) I suspect mostly they're not very interesting to anyone who's not involved [obviously I make exceptions for the Hilarious Anecdotes, but I tend to feel my entire access list doesn't need to be subjected to them ;)], and (b) I'd want to get permission before doing it, which sounds like a lot of hassle.
On the topic of "not having the energy", I tend not to talk about politics and activism - particularly the things I find deeply upsetting - because I view this very much as my space to be horrified and exhausted and scared and furious, but - well. I know some people look at me being scared and angry and decide I'm overreacting, or feel the need to patiently explain to me that I'm being silly and hysterical, or conclude that how I write when I am angry and scared is how I write when I'm composing formal e-mails, and think it's appropriate to give me unsolicited lectures on how to communicate effectively, and why I'll never be able to, and how this will harm the cause so I just. shouldn't.
And - no. I can't deal with that. I have dealt with too much of it. I don't need people undermining me, undermining my competence; I don't need people feeding my ever-present self-criticism and self-doubt; I don't need having to explain myself, over and over, to people for whom the conversation is academic, when I am already raw and exhausted and ground down to ashes.
-- there is one other thing: and that's my illnesses. I talk a lot about living with depression, about how it affects me, about analysis of the whole - but I do it only, only when I'm well. To first approximation, the only things I write about depression while actively depressed are pared-down symptoms logs. That, now - what depression feels like on the inside - that is not something I can talk about, really, not while it's happening (because it hurts too much; because no-one will want to listen; because the people who know already know and don't need reminding, and the people who don't can't), and not after the fact (because, blessedly, the stark reality fades to intellectual overview).
There's three things for you.
Mmm. I don't tend to talk about my relationships much, not so much because it's "too personal" as because (a) I suspect mostly they're not very interesting to anyone who's not involved [obviously I make exceptions for the Hilarious Anecdotes, but I tend to feel my entire access list doesn't need to be subjected to them ;)], and (b) I'd want to get permission before doing it, which sounds like a lot of hassle.
On the topic of "not having the energy", I tend not to talk about politics and activism - particularly the things I find deeply upsetting - because I view this very much as my space to be horrified and exhausted and scared and furious, but - well. I know some people look at me being scared and angry and decide I'm overreacting, or feel the need to patiently explain to me that I'm being silly and hysterical, or conclude that how I write when I am angry and scared is how I write when I'm composing formal e-mails, and think it's appropriate to give me unsolicited lectures on how to communicate effectively, and why I'll never be able to, and how this will harm the cause so I just. shouldn't.
And - no. I can't deal with that. I have dealt with too much of it. I don't need people undermining me, undermining my competence; I don't need people feeding my ever-present self-criticism and self-doubt; I don't need having to explain myself, over and over, to people for whom the conversation is academic, when I am already raw and exhausted and ground down to ashes.
-- there is one other thing: and that's my illnesses. I talk a lot about living with depression, about how it affects me, about analysis of the whole - but I do it only, only when I'm well. To first approximation, the only things I write about depression while actively depressed are pared-down symptoms logs. That, now - what depression feels like on the inside - that is not something I can talk about, really, not while it's happening (because it hurts too much; because no-one will want to listen; because the people who know already know and don't need reminding, and the people who don't can't), and not after the fact (because, blessedly, the stark reality fades to intellectual overview).
There's three things for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-09 02:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-09 08:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-09 08:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-09 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-10 01:12 am (UTC)To folks who do thisI'd be tempted to send back pointed hyperlinks like Listening well as a person of privilege: Seek to understand and embrace anger & Don't Be That Guy, and then stick a temporary moratorium on the subject. If that escalated, though, or if different people kept doing it...ugh. I can see where 'not having the energy' comes in.